A Walk
by Mackiesgirl
Summary: What if it wasn't cancer, but something else instead? Chapter 18 is up! What is the secret Jamie has been hiding? Read to find out!
1. Default Chapter

I do not own or have any rights over "A Walk to Remember", I'm just a fan.

I have tried to stay as true to the story line of the movie as possible in the beginning. This starts off in the allyway as Jamie is telling Landon she is sick. This is my first fan fic. so go easy on me please!

He had thought it was a nice night for a walk. That was all. He just wanted to spend time with the most amazing girl in the world, Jamie, the girl he loved. He had no way of knowing that one simple walk was going to change everything.

She said it so calmly, telling him she was sick. Of course he misunderstood her, the flu had been going around, was all he could think, she'd feel better in the morning.

"No, Landon" She said, impatience seeping into her voice, "It's not the flu, it's my heart."

All of a sudden everything went quiet, the noise of the cars driving by seemed to make no sound, the laughter coming down the street from the diner was no longer audible to his ears. There was nothing but Jamie.

He swallowed hard, gripping her hand tighter in his own. "What do you mean, it's your heart?" He asked in a whisper.

Jamie looked away for a minute, as if trying to gain control over her emotions. Returning her gaze to him, she gave his hand a small squeeze before she began to speak.

"I was born with a heart defect. The Doctors say it was because I was born too early but really no one knows for sure. It might have been that way from the start." She shrugged. "You never noticed how I never took gym class with the rest of the kids, Landon? How I never road a bicycle or did any of kind of strenuous activities?"

Landon shook his head slowly. He was ashamed to admit that he had never really paid much attention to Jamie Sullivan, other then a snide comment here and there. That had all changed of course but he still had really not noticed anything out of the ordinary.

"What does this mean though, Jamie?" He needed to know exactly what she was telling him, knowing already, deep down in his stomach what the answer would be.

"It means" she paused for a moment and smiled sadly "that I'm dying."


	2. Understanding

Late into the night, long after he had taken Jamie home, Landon sat alone in his room. He still couldn't believe it, not really anyway. Jamie was dying.

After the initial shock had worn off, she had led him back to his car where they just sat and talked. She explained everything so calmly, had been so matter of fact. That somehow made it hurt even more, like she had accepted it totally, like she wasn't even bothering to fight.

That was when he got angry with her. "Why are you acting like you already have one foot in the grave?" He stormed, "You can't let this..." he paused, letting go of the steering wheel he had been gripping and then slamming his hands back against it "This, heart defect stop you! Doctors are finding cures all of the time!" Then an idea hit him, "A transplant, Jamie, they do those all the time now! I saw it on the discovery channel last week!"

She stared at him for a moment, then burst out laughing, making him angrier. "This isn't a joke for God's sake Jamie, this is your life, why are you laughing?"

She only laughed harder "Thanks for the pep talk, Coach" She managed through giggles. "Landon, you would make an excellent soccer coach." Shaking her head she turned in her seat so she was facing him.

"I've been on a transplant list for over a year now. It would be wonderful if I could have a new heart, I pray for it every night."

Landon could only stare at her, with only the light of the streetlights shining through the car he thought she looked ethereal. Realizing just what that meant he turned on the ignition and switched on the car interior light. He wanted Jamie to look like Jamie, not like an Angel.

"But" she continued "The chances of a match are not good, of a young healthy heart even worse." Stopping she looked down at her lap, tucking hair behind her ear. "And besides, I'm not sure if I want a transplant."

"What!" He exploded "How can you say that?" The urge to cry and scream at the same time was over powering. "Do you actually want to die?"

Realizing what he had just said, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Pulling Jamie into his arms he settled his chin on the top of her head. "I didn't mean that. And I don't think you mean you don't want a transplant. Explain this to me."

He spoke so softly, running his hands up and down her arms. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, but she had already put Landon through enough tonight she decided, she did not need to add hysterics to that list.

"A transplant would be the answer to my prayers." Pausing a minute to cover his hand with hers "But it would mean that another life, a healthy young life would be taken. How can I ask God to spare my life by taking another?"

He understood, didn't want to but that kind of thinking was exactly what Jamie was all about. "But, accidents happen, bad things happen." He said gently. "If a proper match comes up, you'll take it, wont you?" He felt almost like he was begging her, but he needed to know that if the opportunity arose, she would take it.

"Of course, I would. I just can't outright ask God for it, it wouldn't be right. I ask for his help all day long, for patience and acceptance, to be healthy. But I cannot come right out and ask for someone else's heart, what right do I have to ask that?"

'Every right!' he wanted to yell at her 'Every right in the world, you are young and beautiful and honest and good and someone like you does not deserve this!' But he knew it would do no good. Jamie would only tell him that no one deserved this, why should she be any different?

He knew Jamie, he knew she would not ask for anything for herself and so he made a promise to himself. He would do it for her. He would get help and he knew exactly where to get it.

And so, in his room at 2 o-clock in the morning he picked up the phone and dialed. His own stupid pride didn't matter anymore. Jamie was what mattered and he knew a way to help.


	3. Worry

Jamie was nowhere to be found the next day at school. Landon waited for her at her locker before first period as had become their habit over the last few weeks. When the warning bell rang and Jamie was still not there he began to panic.

He ran to the pay phone in the cafeteria and dialed Jamie's number the whole time trying to reassure himself she was fine. It had been less the 12 hours since he had dropped her off at her door, and she had been all right then. As well as could be expected considering the circumstances anyway.

When there was no answer at the Sullivan's he did not even give first period chemistry a second thought. He flew through the halls and out into the parking lot to his car and straight over to Jamie's house.

After ringing the doorbell several times, Landon was just about to try the front door to see if it was locked when he felt as if he were being watched. Turning around he found Mrs. Baker, the Sullivan's elderly next door neighbour watching him from the sidewalk.

"Landon Carter, is that you?" She asked shading her eyes with her hands to get a better look. "Why aren't you in school at this time of day?"

Biting back a groan at his luck of running into the chattiest old lady in all of town he pasted a smile onto his face and greeted her politely. "Hello, Mrs. Baker. I should be in school, you're absolutely right."

Crossing her arms over her chest and shaking her head she said, "Then shouldn't you be there rather then beating down the Sullivan's front door?"

It occurred to him then that she might know something and so he stepped down onto the sidewalk next to her. "Actually, Mrs. Baker, I'm looking for Jamie. She wasn't at school this morning and that isn't like her at all. I'm a bit worried."

Still looking a bit skeptical she nodded her head. "You have been spending a lot of time with Jamie, lately, haven't you Landon? Seems I see you coming and going here quite often these days."

"Yes, Ma'am" he agreed "Jamie and I are seeing each other." It embarrassed him to say it as much as it made him proud. It was so much more then that but how could he explain that to someone like Mrs. Baker?

Satisfied to see the blush colouring his cheeks she laughed. "She's a good girl, Landon Carter. Probably too good for a boy like you. But if Jamie is willing to give you a chance that must mean there is some good in you, so I'll tell you that Jamie went with her father to the city this morning."

"Did they say why?" He didn't want to seem too nosey but he needed to know.

"Didn't ask, they didn't tell." She said rather pointedly as if he were accusing her of something. "If they wanted me, or you for that matter, to know I'm sure they would have told us. Now the Reverend did say they would be back this evening. I'll be sure to tell Jamie you were looking for her if they don't get back to late."

Recognizing a dismissal he thanked her again and went back to his car. He knew he should go back to school but his heart just wasn't in it today. So instead he drove home.

Surprised to find his mother's car in the driveway. He hurried inside to see what was up.

She came rushing into the kitchen from the living room when she heard the door. "Landon, where have you been?" She asked him. "The school called and said that you hadn't shown up for attendance. I came home to make sure you hadn't knocked yourself out in the shower or something"

He could tell by her tone that she was both relieved and upset. He had not even considered the school calling his mother at work.

"I'm sorry, mom" he said leaning back against the counter. "I didn't mean to ditch class. I was supposed to meet Jamie at her locker this morning and she didn't show so I got worried and went over to her house but she wasn't there. I was just coming back here to see if she had left a message or anything."

Sighing, Julia Carter sat down at the table. Running her hands over her face and through her hair she finally looked up at her son. "Landon, I don't know what to do with you anymore. Just a couple of months ago I had to go and pick you up from the police station in the middle of the night. I had really thought Jamie was a good influence on you, she's a wonderful girl."

She paused to make sure he was really listening to her and not staring off into space, with that bored expression on his face like he had in the past. Satisfied that he was really listening she went on. "But now you're skipping school to be with her, Landon? What is going on?"

When he did not answer her she went on. "You are both so young and I know what it is like to want to spend every single second with someone but don't give up on everything else too. You're going to college in the fall, you need to keep your grades up. I'm sure Jamie realizes that."

"You don't understand, mom" He told her. "It's not like that with Jamie. This was just a one time thing, she wasn't at school and she has some stuff going on right now," his voice broke then but he went on anyway. "I just needed to see that she was okay, that nothing was wrong..."

He didn't realize that he was actually crying until his mother stood up and put her arms around him. "What's wrong, baby?" She asked quietly cradling his head in her hands. "Tell me what's wrong."

And before he could stop himself he was pouring the whole story out to her. "I'm so scared Mama." He cried after. He buried his head in her shoulder just as he had when he was young and let it all out.

Finally when he felt he had better control over his emotions he pulled back. "Do you understand now?" He asked with a sad smile.

Wiping the tears from her own eyes she nodded. She would have done anything to protect him from this kind of heart ache but she realized also, for the first time that her son was now a man and was able to deal with it because he was in love.

"Anything you need me to do, Landon, you let me know," She said. "Anything Jamie needs you just tell me."

"Thanks" he said. "I'll do that. And if you really do mean it, there is something you can do for me, right now."

He waited for her to nod before he went on. "I called Dad last night." He knew she would be shocked so he waited for a minute to let it sink in. "It was really late and I kinda of raved at him a bit. I just thought since he was a cardiologist and since it is Jamie's heart he might be able to help or know someone who can." He shrugged. "I just want him to know that I was serious about it and that I'm sorry I wasn't very reasonable. I thought you might be able to clear the air a bit."

She didn't say a word, just picked up the phone and dialed. She spoke to a receptionist briefly before she was put directly through to her ex husband.

"David, it's Julia" there was a pause "Yes, Landon told me he called you last night, he wanted me to make sure everything was alright between you two." She listened for a moment "okay, I'll tell him then. Yes, I'll have him phone you this evening. It was nice talking to you too. Take care. Bye now."

She smiled looking at his disappointed face; she had been on the phone a total of 50 seconds. "Jamie and her father are in your fathers office as we speak, he had her records faxed to him this morning and called the Sullivan's to come in as soon as they could. He has cleared his entire morning to spend it with Jamie."

The smile on Landon's face seemed to light up the room. "He can do something for her." He said to himself more then his mother. "I just know he can do something for her."


	4. Hope

Landon did not go back to school that day. After his mother went back to work he wandered the house aimlessly waiting for Jamie to call.

At three o-clock, after having stared at the same page of a magazine for almost an hour he decided trying to fill his time was useless when his mind was elsewhere. Throwing the magazine down on the coffee table he wandered into the kitchen for something to eat.

After scanning the fridge's contents and finding nothing that interested him he turned to the pantry when a movement at the screen door caught his attention.

"Jamie!" He exclaimed throwing the door open and wrapping his arms around her. "I was so worried this morning when you weren't at school."

Hugging him back and then gently kissing him on the cheek she took his hand and led him onto the porch and pulled him down to sit next to her on the steps. "Thank you for calling your father, Landon. I know that couldn't have been easy for you."

Holding her hands between his own he only shrugged. "It just didn't matter anymore, me being mad at him. I thought he could help you." He lifted his eyebrows questioningly, "Can he?"

She laughed and then nodded "It turns out that maybe he can. He knows someone who has been researching alternatives to transplants, a kind of way of helping the heart heal itself."

"That's great!" he threw his arms around her again and held her tight, pulling her back he laughed "that sounds so easy! Why hadn't you heard about this before?"

All of a sudden her smile faded and her expression turned very serious. Landon looked so hopeful now, she should have told him everything before he got his hopes up.

"It's not that easy, Landon. You father explained how it is very experimental. I need to qualify." At the puzzled look on his face she hurried on to explain, "They need to make sure my heart is strong enough to hold up to surgery. And even if it does there are no guarantees that it will work. Like I said, it's experimental. If I am healthy enough to go through with it I will be the first person to ever have it done. It's a risk."

Sitting in silence for a moment, both knowing exactly what the risk was. Finally taking a deep breath Landon asked, "So, have you made a decision?"

"I'm going to go through with the tests, to see if my heart can handle it. If it can I will make the decision then. I know I have nothing to lose, and the thought of being able to heal my heart..." she smiled and took his tensely fisted hand in hers and laid it over her heart, "I would love that. I know what a gift it would be to receive someone else's heart, and I also know that a lot of people would say it's just an organ pumping blood, but it's more then that to me. Everyone that I love is a part of my heart."

Feeling tears welling up in his eyes for the second time that day, "What about me, do I have a place there?" He could feel her heart beating strong under his hand and could not believe that this could be what would take her away from him.

Pressing her forehead against his and looking into his eyes, "Landon, you are my heart."

And it was in that moment, seeing the hope mixed with fear in his eyes that she knew she would do whatever it took to keep and heal her own heart.


	5. Compassion

Standing at Jamie's door after having walked her home late that afternoon, Landon tried to stay cheerful. "I'll see you at school tomorrow." He leaned in to kiss her but she stopped him.

"That's another thing I didn't mention, Landon." She lay her hands flat against his chest. "We all agreed today, Your father and mine, and me too, that if I am to go through with this surgery, that I try to stay as well rested and healthy and I can. School would be too strenuous. So I will study from home."

Trying to be understanding, but not quite achieving it, "What about Prom?" Landon asked. "That's in two weeks. And than graduation, you're missing your last month of high school, Jamie."

"I know that, but if I don't do this I might be missing out on a whole lot more." She said with a sigh.

It was then, for the first time he noticed how tired she looked. She had purple smudges under her eyes and her skin was so pale. Immediately feeling guilty for making such a fuss about prom and graduation when Jamie was fighting for his life, he apologized.

"I'm sorry, Jamie." 'For everything', he wanted to say, 'for never treating you the way you deserved to be treated, for not being good enough for you, but most of all for you being sick, when you are the last person on earth who should ever have to be scared like this!'

He wanted so badly to be able to say all this to her but the words seemed to stick in his throat, "I'm just so sorry," was all he could manage.

Seeming to understand she took his face in her hands and looked him right in the eye. "Don't be too hard on yourself, Landon. Miracles happen everyday, maybe I'll be one."

She kissed him on the lips and stepped back. "I should really go in, I'm tired and I am following Doctor's orders after all." The last part said with a smile.

He held the door open and watched her go in, "I'll stop by after school tomorrow." He called after her.

He was just about to turn and walk away when he heard his name being called. He turned back to the door where Reverend Sullivan stood.

"Thank you, Landon." He said simply. "Jamie told me about your relationship with your father. It was a brave thing you did, putting aside all those hard feeling to do what you thought was right."

Stuffing his hands deep in his pockets Landon just shrugged. "I did it for Jamie. I love her." He said simply.

The Reverend nodded seriously, "You've proven you are an adult now, Landon. That you can deal with everything that goes along with Jamie. I just want you to know that I trust you with my daughter."

Feeling a lump rising in his throat, Landon forced himself to calm down as he said "Thank you, Sir". Now was not the time to get emotional He was beginning to understand that this was not only Jamie's fight, and his now as well, but her fathers too.

As if reading his mind Reverend Sullivan came over and sat on the front step, inviting Landon to sit next to him. "The night Jamie was born, my wife died. Complications, something that rarely happens anymore. That was hard enough, I didn't think I could feel anything again. Then they showed me Jamie. She was so tiny and beautiful, Landon" He stopped for a moment, going back to the moment he first saw his daughter.

"They didn't tell me right away about her heart. They figured I had enough to deal with. But the next morning her heart just stopped. Maybe it was selfish of me to have put her through all this, when I could have just let her go peacefully, up to be with her mama." He stared down at his hands in his lap. "I gave permission for them to do whatever was necessary to save her, to bring her back to me."

Finally her looked up at Landon, "I would still do anything on earth to keep her here, and today for the first time in a long time we got a bit of hope. I have you to thank for that Landon, and your father as well, but mostly you."

Landon began to object but the Reverend cut him off "You don't think what you did was such a big deal, calling your father. You stopped being a child today, you're a man now. You put someone else's well being above your own pride and that means more then you will ever realize."

Still not knowing what to say Landon only sat there gaping, Reverend Sullivan had never been discreet about his dislike and distrust of 'that Carter boy'. That made what he had just said mean even more.

Slapping Landon on the knee as he stood up, he seemed to go back into character, "Go home now, Landon. See to your studying. Jamie will be just fine at home and you can come see her whenever you like." Heading for the door her turned one last time "And, Landon. Call you dad. He's a good man and he loves you."

Standing up Landon began to slowly head towards home. He had a lot to think about.


	6. Forgiving

**A/N : I just wanted to quickly say thank you to everyone who has read this so far and left really positive remarks. It's helped a lot and kept me motivated! I never realized how hard it would actually be to write a fan fiction! I know the story is going a bit slow at the moment, I am just trying to work out where I am headed with this! I promise the next few chapters will be longer and the plot thickening so please stick with me! Thanks again for reading this and please continue with the comments! MG **

The last few weeks of school should have been happy ones. This was the time that Landon had been dreaming about since he was old enough to know he wanted out of Beaufort. Instead he found himself wishing that time would stay still, that he could stay here forever.

After he had spoken with Reverend Sullivan that afternoon on the front porch, Landon walked home determined to make things right with his father. This one sided feud had gone on long enough.

As it turned out it was easier then he expected. His father was waiting for him in the front yard. They stood and stared at one another for a full minute before Landon bolted forward into his father's open arms. Old hurts were forgotten, and a new bond formed. There was no need for apologies or explanations; they were father and son again.

After the emotional day he had had Landon did not feel like going to school the next day but he knew he had to make things as normal as possible. The problem was things weren't normal anymore, Jamie wasn't around to make everything okay.

He was surprised to find Eric leaning against his locker before first period. Coming to a halt a full five feet away he considered just turning and walking away again. He did not think he could handle another confrontation with the guy he had considered his best friend since kindergarten.

Spotting him Eric straightened up and smiled. "Hey, man." He moved away from the front of Landon's locker so he could open it. "Listen," he said quietly, draping his wrist over the locker door and leaning in. "Jamie called me last night, explained everything. She even apologized for causing problems with our friendship."

He stopped and grinned "She's a cool girl, Landon. I wish I had seen that before you grabbed her up." Encouraged by getting a smile, if not an actual laugh he continued. "Anyway, she asked me to look out for you, you're going through a lot and you're going to need someone to talk to. So, just so you know, I'm here if you need me."

Having stared blindly into his locker during Eric's whole speech, Landon finally grabbed his Chemistry textbook and slammed his locker shut before he looked up. "Thanks, Eric"

It was simple, but Eric understood it meant everything was okay between them again. "I'm sorry about Jamie, too Landon, about what she's going through. I always thought she was a bit too nice, a fake. I realized talking to her last night, probably the first real conversation I ever really had with her, that she's real. She really is that nice. And that she really loves you."

"Now," he announced trying to lighten the mood as he threw his arm around Landon's neck and led him down the hallway, "since you already snagged the pick of the litter, maybe you can help me find the second best. I need me a prom date!"

Landon did not know how he felt about the announcement in his first period class that morning. The teacher, Mr. Brambly stood in front of the chalkboard and told the class that Jamie Sullivan would not be attending classes for the school year due to illness.

A girl in the front row stuck her hand up and the teacher nodded to her. "What kind of illness?"

Clearing his throat nervously Landon felt his gaze land briefly on him before he answered. "Jamie has problems with her heart. As I have understood it was something she was born with and dealt with her entire life. The staff here was aware of this but we respected Jamie's wishes to keep it quiet. She did not want to be treated any differently."

Maybe somehow realizing that Jamie was always treated differently anyway he cleared his throat again. "I think the important thing right now is for everyone to keep Jamie in their thoughts." Again his eyes sought out Landon, this time along with 30 other pairs.

He kept his eyes down cast, focussing on the top of his desk. It was real now, was all he could think. Now everyone knew what Jamie was going through. And that still didn't make it any easier.

Keeping his word to Jamie he stopped at her house after school. He came armed with his backpack full of letters and cards from people at school.

She was sitting on the porch swing; her legs folded under her, a book lay abandoned at her side. She had been waiting for him, he realized with a smile.

Sitting down beside her and wrapping his arm around her waist he handed her the bag. "Open it" he ordered.

She did without question. When she realized what it was her eyes began to shimmer with unshed tears. "Oh, Landon." She laughed "this is amazing, did you get all these people to write to me?"

He shook his head wishing he had thought of it himself. "I didn't have to. After everyone heard they just started coming up and asking me to give them to you, asking how you were." He gave her a squeeze. "A lot of people care about you, Jamie. Maybe they took you for granted for too long and only realized how much they cared when they heard that you were sick."

She knew he was not only just talking about the kids at school but about himself as well. She patted his hand as she reached for another note.

"You know, I was feeling sorry for myself all day. It's a bit boring sitting here by myself. But this makes me feel a lot better." She gestured at all the letters in the bag. "And you being here is even better!" She snuggled in next to him and they sat reading the notes together.


	7. Emotions

Jamie went for tests at the end of the week. She had to stay over night in the hospital and even though she phoned Landon that night to reassure him she was all right he worried anyway.

He knew it was not as simple as a few blood tests like the doctor sends you for when mono's going around. Jamie's heart had to be monitored over a certain period of time along with a bunch of other tests on her other vital organs. It was confusing and frightening to him, but Jamie seemed to take it in stride. In a way he was almost relieved when she insisted that he not visit. Immediately he felt guilty, this was only the beginning of what Jamie was going to go through, he had to be strong to face it all as it came.

He did not sleep well that night. Every time his eyes closed he pictured Jamie alone in a hospital room. Why had he not insisted on going with her? He asked himself. Even if he had had to sit in an uncomfortable chair all night he would have been able to keep her company.

The next day at school he felt sluggish and irritable from lack of sleep and worry. He was just dozing off in the middle of English class, the last period of the day when there was a knock on the door.

Miss. Dobbs went to answer it and Landon was just returning his head to the top of his desk when Jamie stepped into the room. He was up in a flash and at her side within two seconds.

From the smile on her face he did not even need to ask, he knew that she qualified that she was going to go through with the operation. Not caring where they were he grabbed her around the waist and spun around.

Laughing she threw hers arms around his neck and held tight. Finally setting her down neither one of them even looked back at the classroom full of bewildered faces staring as if the two of them had gone insane. They ran hand in hand out of the school and into the parking lot to his car.

They would have driven off if Landon's shaking hands would have allowed them to. Jamie giggled and laid her hand on his shoulder. "Landon, settle down. You're vibrating!"

Taking a deep breath he nodded. "I've been a bundle of nerves all day! I was so nervous and then you were just standing there, smiling! I knew it had to be good news" frowning, he looked at her again, "it is good news, right, Jamie?"

"Of course it's good news. I was going to phone you but I had to tell you in person so I had Daddy drop me off here. Dr. Peterson, that is the specialist who your dad told me about, the one who has been researching ways to heal the heart, has decided that I am a perfect candidate to try this new procedure out on!"

She was glowing and so Landon decided to throw all of his questions and fears out the window for the time being and just celebrate with her. They could deal with the hard stuff another day.

"And guess what?" she asked excitedly, her whole face lighting up. "Dr. Peterson said he thought it would be okay if I went to Prom. I'm to take it easy, because the surgery is the Tuesday after, but he says it'll be okay!"

"Tuesday?" Landon stuttered "That's so soon, less then a week and a half. I thought this was experimental, don't they need more time to... well experiment before they try it out on you?"

She smiled and shrugged "I guess they think they're ready." Flopping back against the seat she sighed. "I can't believe I get to go to Prom after all!"

It was then he realized that Jamie didn't want to talk about the surgery, that she was going to take joy in a small thing like being allowed to go to Prom. He knew she had the same fears running through her mind as he did. Trying to push them aside he started the engine. "Let's go celebrate then." He said and headed out of the parking lot.

They went out for dinner and to a movie. They both tried to keep the mood light and only talked about positive things. Coming out of the theatre Landon looked over at Jamie and caught her yawning. "I'm taking you home." He told her. "You should be in bed."

"I feel like a little kid sometimes, or a really old woman. I have a bed time." She pulled her sweater a little tighter around her shoulders and shrugged. "It makes me mad, I'm only 18. I'm supposed to have endless energy and be out having fun. Instead I am in bed by eight, taking a bunch of pills to keep me alive."

It was the first time Landon had ever really seen Jamie upset about being sick. He stopped in the parking lot beside her and fiddled with his keys. "I am finally at the place where I always wanted to be, never thought I would be. I'm graduating in a few weeks; I have the greatest boyfriend on earth. The kicker is I'm dying." She waved her hand at Landon when he started to protest.

"I know you are going to say that I'm having this surgery. That's true and that may or may not work, we've both been thinking the same thing, Landon. But right now as we speak

I'm dying and that makes me mad. I'm not scared, I'm mad!"

By now tears were running down her cheeks. He knew she was not finished though. "I am in love for the first time and I know that this is the real thing, that this is the kind of love that lasts! I know it! And the fact that I might not get to live that out makes me so angry! Instead of being promised a life time with the person I love most, getting married, having babies, growing old together, I'm promised Prom!" She laughed then, a sad little laugh. "I'm allowed to go to Prom because they don't know what is going to happen to me next Tuesday and so they need to give me something to look at and say 'well at least I had that!'"

She brought her hands up to cover her face and allowed Landon to take her into his arms. He smoothed her hair back from her face and rocked with her. He had no words to console her, he knew that was not what she needed. She just needed to be held.

He dropped her off half an hour later. She insisted on stopping at a gas station to use the washroom to wash her face so her father would not guess she had been crying. She didn't want to upset him.

After he watched Jamie walk upstairs from the door he quietly let himself into the house. He knocked on the door of Reverend Sullivan's study.

Looking up he was surprised to see Landon. He put down his pen and motioned for Landon to come in and close the door.

"I'm sorry to disturb you at this time of night sir." He began awkwardly. "I just dropped Jamie off. She doesn't know I'm still here."

"Sit down, Landon" The Reverend said pleasantly "and tell me what's on your mind."

Sitting down and facing Jamie's father he nervously wiped his sweaty palms on the knees of his jeans. "Well, Reverend Sullivan, Sir, there's something I would like to ask you."


	8. Surprises

Landon had never been to a prom before. The year before, when he had still been with Belinda, he had flat out refused to take her. She and Tracie had ended up going together while Landon, Dean and Eric sat out in the parking lot, drinking beer and yelling abuse at everyone going inside. Finally several of the chaperones came out and asked them to leave.

This year was different, but then everything was. He hardly remembered that boy he used to be. Examining himself in his new suit in his mother's full-length mirror, Landon decided that the shell was still the same, it was the inside that had changed.

His mother watched him silently from the doorway. He turned to her and smiled uncertainly. "How do I look, Mama?"

She came forward and held him at arm length then moved to straighten his already straight tie and dust imaginary lint from his shoulder. Biting her lip she nodded, her eyes misty. "You look wonderful, Landon, absolutely wonderful." She pulled him into her arms then. "And in case I haven't told you enough, I love you and I'm proud of you." She kissed him gently on his forehead.

"Now, you get on over to the Sullivan's. The Reverend has promised to take plenty of pictures and save all the doubles for me." She led him towards the front door and handed him the corsage he had for Jamie in the refrigerator. "Have fun." She shouted as he pulled out of the driveway.

The Reverend Sullivan answered the door at his knock. He shook Landon's hand wordlessly before he turned to the stairway and called to Jamie.

They waited for a moment with no response before they heard a door above them open and footsteps. He felt his hands go damp and his heart quicken. Shifting his weight nervously his eyes never left the empty staircase.

And then, like a vision, she appeared. His breath caught in his throat. She was beautiful. No, not beautiful, because he thought she was beautiful the way she was. She was incredible.

Her hair was all piled up onto the top of her head, trailing down her back in glossy spirals. There was not a hint of fatigue in her glowing face and she wearing a strapless ice blue dress that reached the floor that seemed to display every curve she possessed.

And then she broke the spell. "You might want to close your mouth, Carter, you're letting all the flies out!" She laughed before hurtling down the steps and right into his arms.

He caught her and held her tight. "You are so beautiful." He whispered into her ear.

She pulled back grinning up at him. "I was thinking the same thing about you."

It was then that he noticed the two figures at the top of the stairs. Jamie motioned for them to join them and they slowly ascended the stairs, as they were dressed for the prom as well.

"Belinda and Tracie have been helping me get ready all week. I didn't have the first clue about make up or dresses or hair, but they helped me." She either didn't realize how awkward this was for Landon or did, and that was the reason she was doing it. Knowing Jamie he assumed it was the latter.

"Belinda, Tracie." He said. "You both look really nice." He cleared his throat nervously, staring down at his shoes then peaking up at Jamie.

She smiled at him but didn't say a word. It was Belinda who broke the ice. "Look, Landon, we aren't here to make you miserable. We," She paused and looked at Tracie "well, we did enough of that. We thought Jamie could use our help, and as it turned out, we could use hers."

She didn't expand on the last remark and Landon didn't ask. Jamie worked a kind of magic on people, showed them who they really were, or who they could be. He was living proof of that. He knew she must have gotten through to Belinda somehow.

The doorbell rang again. The Reverend, who had been standing, observing opened it. Landon could have been knocked over with a feather when Clay Gepbheart stepped inside followed by Dean. They were both dressed formally and holding corsage boxes just as Landon realized he still was.

There was silence for almost a full minute before Dean slapped Landon on the shoulder. "Good to see you man."

Landon nodded, "yeah, you too." He turned to Clay then. "Hi Clay."

He grinned and nodded "hey." He hobbled over to Belinda then, with the aid of a cane and a walking cast and handed her the corsage he was holding. Dean was doing the same with Tracie so Landon opened Jamie's and slipped it over her wrist.

"Anymore surprises?" he asked quietly so only she would hear.

She grinned at him. "I have no idea what you're talking about Landon." Then raising her voice, "Do you have the camera ready Daddy?"

It was a night to remember. There was no animosity, no bad behaviour, no awkwardness, just a group of friends celebrating one of their last big school events together.

Eric met them at the door with his date, a junior named Michelle that none of them knew very well but who seemed to adore Eric.

The night progressed and they all danced and laughed and talked. Toward the end Eric asked Jamie to dance and Landon found himself alone at their table with Belinda.

She smiled at him and moved from the end of the table to beside him. Folding her hands together on the tabletop she tipped her head to the side and looked at Landon.

He didn't know what to say to her. She didn't seem angry with him, the way she had in the months since they broke up, or hurt even. She seemed different, stronger.

"I'm sorry, Landon." He looked up, surprised. That was not what he was expecting to hear. He didn't know what he had expected but 'sorry' was not it.

He shook his head to clear it but she barreled on as if she were afraid she might not have the nerve to continue if he stopped her. "I'm sorry for everything I did, that stupid flyer, not letting go when you so obviously needed me to, not understanding and not being your friend."

She let out a breath "Woah, that feels good to let that out. I have been dreading this ever since I told Jamie I wanted to tell you all that. I was scared that you would be too mad at me to even listen."

Landon finally spoke. "You talked to Jamie about this."

Belinda became uncertain then, had she done something wrong after all? "I mean, I saw what a difference Jamie seemed to make with you, and at first I was jealous because I wanted to know why it couldn't have been me that made the difference. But I know now. Some people just belong together. And Jamie's special, I want some of that to rub off on me."

Landon leaned in and gave her a hug. "You are special, Belinda. Just you and I..." He looked at her and was able to laugh about it for the first time "Well we drove each other insane."

"Yeah" she laughed we did. "And why would I waste my time pining away for a guy who so obviously belongs to someone else? I'm just sorry that you two didn't find each other sooner."

He followed her gaze out to the dance floor where Jamie and Eric were doing something that Landon assumed was supposed to be the tango, Eric with his tie between his teeth, Jamie's head thrown back in laughter. But it wasn't Jamie Belinda was looking at, it was Clay who was awkwardly hopping along to the music on his one foot between Michelle and Tracie.

He grinned realizing that she wasn't just talking about him and Jamie. He would love to know the story about how those two ended up going to prom together but decided it could wait for another time now that he and Belinda were on friendly terms.

He looked over at her and held out his hand. "You wanna dance?"

Her mouth dropped open. "Landon Carter, dancing?" she asked incredulously. "Jamie Sullivan must be some kind of witch doctor!"

Leading her out onto the floor her had to agree. "You have no idea." He looked at he very seriously for a moment realizing that she might be able to help him. "Belinda, can you keep a secret?"


	9. Dreams

The Baptist church was full to overflowing the Sunday morning after Prom. People who had not been to church in years, that belonged to different religions or did not attend church at all, came to pray and wish Jamie Sullivan well. It did not seem as if there was a single person in Beaufort who did not know Jamie or had been touched by her in one way or the other.

The Reverend Sullivan carried on the service much as usual, his only concession was the sound system, which had been set up at the last minute to carry his voice to the people seated in the church basement and out into the parking lot. The Beaufort Baptist church had never seen such a crowd on what appeared to be a normal Sunday.

As the Service ended a hush filled the entire church. Not one mention had been made of Jamie. They could all see her up front with the choir, but they all wanted a bit of reassurance.

Clearing his throat the Reverend spoke into the microphone in front of him. "As I am sure you are all aware, my daughter Jamie is due to have surgery this coming Tuesday. It's experimental and we can only hope for the best." He looked down at his hands, gaining his composure. He turned then and smiled at Jamie who smiled back. "Both Jamie and I would like to thank everyone for their support and friendship during this time and we ask that you continue with your prayers."

Again there was a lengthy pause as he sought Landon's face out in the crowd. "Jamie and I were dealing with this on our own until a couple of months ago a very determined young man came into our lives. One I am sad to say I did not have much faith in. He proved me wrong then and has continued to do so since. He asked me if he could come on up and speak to you all today and so now I am going to turn the pulpit over to him."

He stepped away and made a sweeping motion with his hand. "Landon Carter, come on up." He then went and sat next to his daughter in choir pews.

Landon swallowed hard before he stood. He had been sitting between his mother and father, along with his father's wife Crystal and their son Daniel. His mother squeezed his hand and his father his shoulder before he made his way slowly to the front.

Jamie smiled at him encouragingly even though he could see she was confused, the Reverend, much to his surprise winked at him.

Turning to face the many people in front of him, knowing that there were many more scattered around the building and church grounds he decided it was best if he kept his eyes down. He had prepared a speech the same night he spoke with Reverend Sullivan in his study, but it didn't seem right now. He needed to speak straight from the heart.

"My name is Landon Carter. I'm sure most of you know me, or at the very least have heard of me. I'm also pretty sure you don't have a very good opinion of me. To tell the truth I didn't really have that great of an opinion of myself. But then a couple of months ago I met this amazing girl." He paused and looked up for a brief moment into her eyes. "Well, not met because I have known her my entire life. But I got to know her. And the more I got to know her it was like the more I got to know myself. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. I have goals and dreams now..."

This time he looked up and found his parents side by side, for the first time in almost 10 years, both looking so very proud. He swallowed hard and continued. "The thing is, I love this girl, with all of my heart and so her hopes and dreams have become mine too. She's sick, and on Tuesday we don't know what is going to happen." Just saying it felt as if a hundred bricks had come crashing down on his chest. He could see that it had the same effect on many more people in front of him.

"One of the most important things I have learned in my time with her is that life is too short not to take chances, not to do the things we really want to, because we're scared, or we don't have the time. I know if I don't take this chance, I will live the rest of my life regretting it."

He stepped down from the Pulpit and turned to Jamie; her father nudged her to stand up which she did. Landon reached out for her hand and before she could open her mouth to say anything he was down on his knee in front of her.

"Jamie Sullivan, I love you. Will you marry me?"

"Oh, Landon." She murmured, tears streaming down her face. She could only stare down at his face, the entire congregation around them completely silent.

"Please say yes." He whispered. And as simply as that she nodded. He bounded up from his knees and grabbed her up in his arms.

Neither one of them noticed as the Reverend stepped back up to the pulpit. "Ladies and Gentlemen, if you look under your seats you will find invitations to the wedding which will take place at the First Baptist Church in Hazleton which is were my wife and myself were married many years ago. The ceremony will take place at 4 this afternoon with the reception to follow in the backyard at my home."

The whole congregation let out a shout and clapped loudly, but still they were in their own little world, whispering and giggling excitedly in each other's arms. They were getting married!


	10. The big day

* * *

At exactly 4 o-clock that afternoon Landon found himself standing in front of a massive congregation for the second time that day. He was surprised to find that he was not nervous, only excited. It was really happening; he and Jamie were really getting married.

After the initial shock wore off, because there had been only a few people let in on what Landon had planned, everyone had rushed up to the front of the church to congratulate the two of them. In the crowd they had become separated and Landon caught a glimpse of Jamie being ushered out the side door by his mother, Belinda and Tracie.

He had not seen her since and his stomach gave a little flip when he realized that in only a few moments the door at the back of the church would open up and Jamie would be walking towards him on her fathers arm. In a very short time she would become his wife.

He glanced over at Eric, his best man, who was standing beside him. He grinned and thumped Landon on the back. "I still wish you had told me about this ahead of time, man. I could have thrown you a killer bachelor party."

Landon grinned back but didn't say anything. Instead his eyes sought out his parents, again sitting side by side. Both smiled widely at him. His mother motioned for him and Eric to move closer together so she could take a photo. Landon wondered vaguely how much film she had brought with her. It seemed to him that she had already shot several rolls.

Tracie came rushing up the aisle from the back of the church, catching Landon's attention. She gave him the thumbs up sign as she sat down next to Dean in the row behind his parents. The Reverend Michael's took his place on Landon's right leaning over slightly to whisper, "It's time."

Swallowing hard Landon straightened up, staring straight ahead, scared to miss even a second of what he considered to be the most important moment of his life.

A hush fell across the church as the doors opened and the orchestra (from the school, Landon had told the music teacher of his plans and in turn she had promised to keep it quiet, telling the students that they were practicing for her cousin's wedding) began to play. Out first came Missy Coffer, Jamie's neighbour from across the street whom she had been babysitting since she was a baby, with her basket of rose petals. After Missy followed her older sister Ella with her own basket of petals, escorting Landon's half brother Daniel who was the ring bearer. He clutched the pillow tightly until he caught sight of his mother and waved vigorously, sending the 'rings' (which were only dime store fakes) flying. Ella took him by the hand then and dragged him to the front causing the whole congregation to giggle.

Next down the aisle was Belinda in her light pink prom dress. Landon had asked her the night before to help Jamie get ready, at the time sure that Jamie would ask her to be her bridesmaid. He smiled at her, realizing for the first time how much he cared about her, thankful that they could finally be friends.

As Belinda took her place the organ struck up the wedding march and the doors at the back were flung open. Landon felt his hands go take and his breath catch at his first sight of Jamie.

Dressed entirely in white she looked so pure and innocent. Everything that she really was. The reverend had found his wife's wedding dress up in the attic and snuck it out of the house to the cleaners and then over to Landon's mother, Julia, for alterations.

Jamie's chestnut hair fell in waves around her face, framed by a veil and in her hands she carried white and pink roses, picked and arranged with care by Mrs. Baker from her garden. There was a glow radiating from her that made Landon's heart skip a beat. He knew that no matter what happened, no matter how many years from now he could close his eyes and he would remember this moment just as it was now.

Jamie and her father reached Landon, he could feel her elbow brushing his and he wanted so badly to hold her. Reverend Michael's asked "Who gives this woman to this man."

There was a small pause and Landon saw that Jamie's father was fighting for control. "I do" he said finally and kissed Jamie on the cheek before taking his place in the front pew on the bride's side.

Landon had asked him originally to perform the ceremony but now he understood why he had declined. It was an emotional day for him and he only wanted to be there as Jamie's father. Instead he had asked his good friend Reverend Michael's who had married himself and his wife many years before in the this same church in Hazleton.

Holding hands, they stared into each other's eyes, shyly at first. Neither one of them could believe this was really happening. Then Jamie's face broke into a huge grin and Landon could not hold his back. Reverend Michael's began with the familiar line, "Dearly Beloved..."

* * *

It was a beautiful day. The sun seemed to shine forever and after it did finally go down the sky was lit up with thousands of shining stars. It was as if nature was celebrating with them.

Landon stood contemplating this by himself at the edge of the Sullivan's porch. The party was still going strong in the back yard and so he did not hear Jamie creep up behind him.

He jerked, startled as she slipped her arms around his waist, then relaxed immediately realizing that it was Jamie. He turned to take her into his arms. "Hi." He whispered looking down into her upturned face.

It was the first time they had been alone all day and he was feeling a bit uncertain. "Hi." She whispered back and he realized that she must have been feeling the same as him. He pulled her closer then, resting his chin on the top of her head, breathing in her familiar scent.

They were silent for several minutes, just holding each other. Finally she pulled away and led him over to the porch swing. Sitting down, she rested her head on his shoulder. "Thank you for today, Landon. It has been absolutely perfect."

Running the tips of his fingers up and down her arm she felt him nod. "That's all I wanted, for this to be the most perfect day imaginable." He paused staring blindly off into the night. He did not want to tell her that if what they all feared happened come Tuesday that he wanted to have this day to remember always, he wanted to be able to give her this.

"I love you, Jamie," he said softly.

"I love you, Landon," she whispered back. Straightening up beside him she turned and looked him right in the eye. "What happens tonight?"

He almost swallowed his tongue. "Wh...what?" he stuttered staring at her.

She laughed. "We're married now, Landon. You know very well what I mean."

She was talking about sex. His mind went blank as he continued to stare at her. He had not even thought about it, well not really anyway. She was sick for god's sake! He thought that at the very most they could sleep in the same bed, if she was comfortable with that, but nothing else.

Jamie watched him with an amused expression on her face. He had turned as white as a ghost and looked as if he was trying to decide between throwing up or passing out. She knew exactly what he was thinking and she was not going to let him get away with it. She might be inexperienced, and she knew that Landon was not even though they had never discussed it, but she was married now and bad heart or no she was not going into that hospital Tuesday without being Landon's wife in every sense of the meaning.

"Jamie," he finally said very seriously, "I don't want you to feel you have to... I don't expect anything, we don't have to do anything, I mean," he babbled, his face going from stark white to beet red, "Damn it, Jamie, stop laughing! This isn't funny and we don't have to do anything! We can just be together without..."

"Without what?" she asked innocently, enjoying Landon's discomfort.

"You know what!" he exploded jumping up to pace the porch, his hands clasped tightly behind his back. He finally stopped and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down. "We have the rest of our lives for that, Jamie." He tried to say it convincingly.

She shook her head, holding her hand out for him to come and sit next to her again. "We both know that we might not have forever, Landon. You said in church today that you do not want to live with regrets." She smiled at him then, raising her eyebrows, "don't you think you would regret us not..." it was her turn to blush "not, well, being together?"

He knew she was right but he had so many concerns, mostly about her health. As always she seemed to be able to read his mind. "You can't hurt me, Landon."

She snuggled into his side now, his arm coming around her waist again. He was still tense and scared out of his mind now. He had not really allowed himself to think that far ahead into his and Jamie's relationship.

"Look in the inside pocket of your jacket." She whispered in his ear. He did as she asked and was surprised to find an envelope with simply "Jamie and Landon" written on it.

"Open it" she instructed and remained silent as he did. It was a wedding card from Eric, Belinda, Tracie, Dean and Clay. There was a slip of paper with a brief note saying that they had reserved and paid for a room for them at a bed and breakfast a few miles out of town.

Taking another deep, calming breath Landon looked up at Jamie. "You're sure?"

"I have never been so sure of anything in my life."

**A/N This is just to assure everyone that the next chapter is not going to be all nasty. I just thought it was important to address the sex issue - they are married now after all and I did wonder after reading the book and watching the movie if they...'you know', hee- hee! So this is probably as pg as it is going to get. I just wanted to be clear about that! As always I look forward to your comments so keep them coming! MG**

**p.s. Try Honesty (Brittany (sp?)) Thank you for your very encouraging review. I have just been writing this in my spare time for fun and to be totally honest after your first review I was very nervous about going on, what if it was total crap? So I am glad you are enjoying it.**

**And to both the ShaneMandy's, every review from the both of you has totally made my day! Thanks for the support!**

**Okay, now I am done with my Oscar worthy speech I will just stop! Thanks again!**


	11. Tears, Fears and Discovery

Later that night lying entwined in each other's arms, only beams of moonlight filtering in through the window lighted their room. The only sound to be heard was each other's soft breathing, yet they both knew that the other was not sleeping.

With her head comfortably resting in the crook of Landon's neck Jamie flattened the palm of her hand against his chest feeling the strong, steady beat of his heart. There was so much to him she thought in wonder, so many different, wonderful facets. Today he had married her and made all her dreams come true.

"Jamie!" Landon said with alarm when he felt several hot teardrops fall on his chest. "Jamie, what is it?"

They had not spoken after they had made love and that worried him. Had he hurt her, scared her or even worse, disgusted her? He had been so unprepared for this night, hadn't thought in his wildest dreams that they would be in this situation and so had not bothered to prepare himself for it. He had been as gentle as he knew how and hopefully as considerate. What if that had not been enough? He had wanted it to be perfect for her.

He could feel her shaking her head, his chest drenched now. He considered getting up and turning on the light but he was naked and did not want to offend her anymore then he probably already had.

"I'm fine, Landon." She finally said running her hands over her face and sitting up next to him. "I was just being sentimental, that's all."

Relief flooded over him. "That's all? I thought I had offended you some how, that you were regretting...this." He could still not bring himself to say sex in front of her. It seemed like much too cold of a word for what they had just expierienced together. He would not ever be caught dead saying lovemaking but he knew now what it meant.

She laughed, nudging him gently with his elbow. "I practically dragged you here, I knew what I was in for." He could see the outline of her features in the moonlight and so knew when her expression turned serious. "It was really beautiful, Landon. I am so happy I waited for you, for our wedding night."

Feeling ashamed all of a sudden he knew he had to tell her the truth. "Jamie, I need to tell you something." He said quietly.

She placed a finger over his mouth gently. "I know, Landon." She said softly. "I don't mind that I wasn't the first."

He hated hearing her say that because more then anything on earth he wanted her to have been the very first woman he had ever slept with. He pushed her hair out of her face behind her ears and trailed his hand down her arm to her hand. "You are the only one I ever loved, Jamie," he said finally tracing her fingers with his own. "The only one that ever mattered. The only one that ever will." He finished softly.

Her head came up with a start. "Please don't say that." She cried. "Don't say that!"

Confused he reached down and felt around in the dark for his boxers. Finally finding them he jumped up and turned on a near by lamp. Sitting back down he wrapped his arms around Jamie who was sobbing.

Rocking with her he tried to figure out what had upset her so much. When he asked she only cried harder. Finally trying to get a hold of herself she wiped her eyes with the back of her hands.

"You're not the one who is dying, Landon." She sniffled. "I am. I can't ask you to stop living because I might." She covered her face with her hands and he wondered if she was praying. Finally looking back up at him she went on, "You have been beyond wonderful to me and I love you so much. I want everything for you. If I don't continue to live I want you to go on for me. I want you to fall in love again, have children, grow old and be happy with the life you have lived. Not pine away for me."

Stunned, Landon only stared at her shaking his head in disbelief. Didn't she understand? "I don't want those things with anyone but you Jamie. How would that be fair to anyone? How could I marry someone who wasn't you, have children with her when the whole time both of us would know she was second best? I will live my life on my own and in the end be happy because you were mine, even if it was only for a little while." Pausing to wipe a lone tear running down her cheek he smiled, "But I don't plan on living this life without you, Jamie. Remember that come Tuesday."

He seemed so confident and she wondered if it was only for her benefit. She wanted to believe that she was going to get better, cured even but the alternative always lurked in the back of her mind. She might really die. All the amazing things that had come in to her life, mainly Landon made death much harder to consider then ever before. Before Landon she was almost to the point of acceptance.

Rolling onto her side to face him so forced herself to smile. She was going to make every second count from now until Tuesday. She was not going to dwell on the what ifs, only live for the moment. "Why don't you come back to bed, Landon." She held the sheet back and he dove in, neither of them worrying about the future for the time being.


	12. Prayers

* * *

Tuesday came much too soon. Landon knew he should be tired as he and Jamie had spent every second together over the past two days and had slept very little. Minutes were like sand in an hourglass, as each grain dropped they were closer and closer to an uncertain future.

He wasn't tired though; he was running on a kind of nervous energy that he had never experienced before. He found himself, in moments of silence praying, something he had not done since he was a child beside his bed at night. Now it seemed his mind was in a constant state of prayer, he was making promises and bargains with God, all for Jamie.

They were expected at the hospital at 4 a.m. Tuesday morning so that they could prep Jamie for her 7 a.m. surgery. They had stayed at Jamie's house that night, slept crammed in Jamie's tiny single bed. Landon had felt awkward being there but he understood how important it was for Jamie to be the only place she considered to be home that night.

Landon drove Jamie and her father in his car, stopping to pick up his mother who had insisted on taking the week off work. The drive was strangely silent. Jamie had tried to be cheerful making small talk at first but Julia was the only one who answered. Both Landon and Reverend Sullivan remained trapped in their own thoughts. Finally even Jamie lapsed into silence.

Once at the hospital everything began to move very quickly. There were millions of forms for Landon to fill out as Jamie was now considered his responsibility. Jamie was taken off for tests and to be prepared for surgery.

Landon did not see her again until 6:30 when, after all the paper work was done he was led into a small hospital room. Jamie was sitting on the bed in a hospital gown surrounded by several hospital staff, her father and both of Landon's parents.

His father, dressed in a white lab coat was the first to spot him standing in the doorway. "Landon," he called holding out his hand, "come on in, son."

Jamie looked up at him and smiled. He didn't understand why she didn't look nervous. He told himself that he should be thankful for that, as he walked into the room. If she wasn't scared he shouldn't be either. But he was. He had never been so scared in his life because he could never be brave like Jamie was.

With his fathers arm around his shoulder he stepped into the room. He bent to kiss Jamie, resting his forehead against hers, "are you alright?" he asked.

Nodding she pulled him down to sit next to her and began introducing him to the many people milling around the room. Just as she finished another doctor in a lab coat walked in. He was short and pudgy with white hair and red cheeks. Landon thought he looked like Santa Clause minus the beard.

"Good morning, Dr. Patterson," Jamie greeted him cheerfully.

"Good morning, Jamie." He said patting her shoulder before picking her chart up from the end of the bed. "Are you ready to make medical history today?"

Reminded once again that they were basically using Jamie as a guinea pig Landon felt the urge to throw up. Jamie was the only one who seemed to notice the colour drain from his face and gave his hand a quick squeeze before she nodded.

"Good girl," he said absently still looking over her chart. Flipping it closed he smiled, giving his full attention to Jamie. "And I understand that congratulations are in order. This must be Landon."

He reached over and grasped Landon's hand. "I met you years ago when you were little. And now you're married. Time sure does fly. You got yourself quite the young lady." He stopped to wink at Jamie. "If I were forty years younger I sure would give you a run for your money."

Landon managed a weak little laugh, but Jamie giggled, blushing slightly. Dr. Patterson looked at his watch and cleared his throat. "Alright people," he said addressing the staff, "let's clear out now and give these people a chance to talk before we wheel Jamie into surgery."

He took Jamie's hands in his and smiled kindly. "I am going to do everything I can to make sure you have a long, happy life with this young man here. You are a strong, brave girl and I need you to fight for us today." With a quick pat on Landon's back he was gone out of the room.

David, Landon's father was the next to leave. He rested his hand on Landon's back as he spoke to Jamie. "I am going to be there every step of the way today." He reminded her, "Assisting Dr. Patterson." He paused for a moment, "I want this as badly for you, for the two of you as you do and you are not just a new procedure to me. I'll be fighting for you too." He bent to kiss Jamie on the cheek before he too left the room.

Landon felt tears welling up at the back of his eyes and blinked quickly as his mother bent over Jamie and whispered softly to her.

When it was only Jamie, Landon and her father left in the room. Landon got up to give them a moment of privacy but Reverend Sullivan stopped him. "You're family now, Landon. There is nothing I can't say to Jamie that I can't say in front of you."

He cupped Jamie's face in his hands and smiled down at her. "You have brought so much joy into my life, something I thought I was incapable of feeling after your mama died. I am proud of you beyond words, for everything you have done but mostly just for being you." His voice cracked then and tears spilled down his cheeks. "I love you Jamie, you are in Gods hands now."

He kissed his daughter on both cheeks before he left the room leaving Landon and Jamie alone. Landon moved back to her side and wrapped his arms around her. They didn't speak for several minutes.

Jamie let out a deep sigh and then peeked up at Landon. "I'm doing the right thing, Landon." She told him. "I'm scared but I know that this is my one chance at living a full life and I have to take it."

She was reassuring both of them, he realized. "I know." He said simply. He held her tighter.

"I need you to promise me something though." She said after another minute of silence. She felt him nod his head so she went on, "I need you to promise that if I..." she straightened up a bit and looked him directly in the eye "If I die, you will still go on living. I mean, you will go on to have a normal life. Follow your dreams and your heart. That is what I want for you. Don't ever feel that somehow you are letting me down, because I know you will always do what is right."

She was asking something that he was not sure he could promise her, not entirely. He would go on living, but there would always be a hole in his life where Jamie was meant to be. Finally he took a deep breath, "I promise."

She looked both relieved and sad all at once. "I love you, Landon. Thank you for loving me too."

He had to be strong for her now he told himself and so held his tears back. "You are the best thing in my life and I will love you forever."

* * *

Soon after Jamie was wheeled out into the operating theatre leaving Landon, Reverend Sullivan and Julia to pace back and forth in a private waiting room the hospital had provided for them. At first they talked but after a couple of hours it was if they had nothing more to say. All of their minds kept on drifting to a different floor where Jamie was fighting for her life.

At around noon Julia finally stood up and held her hand out to her son. Jamie's father was sitting in the corner, his hands crossed on his lap, his head bowed and they both knew he was deep in prayer. She motioned with her head towards the door so as not to disturb him and Landon followed her out into the hall.

"Come with me for a minute." She said to him. He was about to object, he didn't want to go to far away from the waiting room. "They just cam in with the hourly update." She reminded him gently, referring to when a nurse came in every hour to tell them how things were going with the operation. "We will be back here long before the next one."

With his mothers hand around him he was pulled reluctantly to the elevator where they went up several stories. He was surprised to find himself in the maternity ward. Before he could ask what was going on Julia led him down the hall to an observation window where several new babies lay bundle in bassinets.

He looked back at his mother, puzzled as she smiled down at the row of babies before them. "Your grandmother died in this same hospital. I know you don't remember, you were only five at the time. But after she passed away I found myself standing right here. Looking at all of these brand new little people with their whole lives ahead of them comforted me." She looked up at him. "It reminded me that there is something much bigger then any of us at work in this world, something much bigger then my grief and pain. There is a continuance that I found a great comfort and joy in."

Sliding his hands into his pockets Landon stared down at the baby in front of him. It was a tiny little girl, perfect and new. He understood then the comfort that his mother spoke of, and the need to have faith in a higher power. Then, the baby girl opened her eyes and stared at him and he felt his heart swell with both joy and pain. 'Please, God,' he prayed in his mind, 'please don't take her from me.'

It was another two hours before Landon's father appeared in the waiting room. He was still in his scrubs and looked very tired. Landon was the first to see him and he jumped up.

Shutting the door David stepped in and motioned for Landon to sit down. He felt his breath catch in his throat. "What is it?" he demanded, refusing to sit.

His father sank into an empty chair across from Reverend Sullivan and ran his hands over his face before starting to speak. "At the moment Jamie is in critical condition." He raised his hand to silence Landon before he could speak. "She did not wake from the anesthetic but instead slipped into a coma.

"Now, we are looking at it two ways. The coma could be her bodies' natural defense against the surgery or it could be her body shutting down. We are not sure. Her vitals were strong all the way through so we are hoping it is the first. The next 12 hours are absolutely critical."

They all sat in silence. It was Jamie's father who finally spoke. "Can we see her?"

"She is in ICU, being observed around the clock. She can have one visitor an hour for five minutes."

There was another silence, both wondering who would go. Reverend Sullivan broke the silence again. "You go first Landon. I think that is what Jamie would want."

Standing slowly he didn't object. "Tell her I love her." Her father requested, his voice low and sad.

Nodding, Landon followed his father out into the hallway with a heavy heart.


	13. Reality

The next 24 hours were the longest of Landon's life. He refused to go home and rest, he couldn't leave Jamie. What if she woke up for only a moment and he wasn't there?

But she didn't wake up as the hours continued to tick away. Why, though was a mystery? Dr. Patterson was beyond thrilled with her bodies recuperation, he said everything seemed to be going as it should, her heart truly did seem to be mending itself. What was going on with Jamie's head was a completely different matter.

After the first 12 hours passed the five-minute visitation restriction was lifted. Although still weak from surgery there was no reason for Jamie's condition to be considered critical. She was moved to another room and the windows opened to let the early morning sun light flood in. Both Landon and Reverend Sullivan were encouraged to talk to Jamie, to each other, read to her or even play music. No one was sure if she could hear what was going on around her and so it was important to keep her involved in case she could.

By mid morning Landon's back was starting to ache from sitting in the uncomfortable hospital chairs and so Jamie's father told him to take a walk around the hospital to loosen up. He decided to get something to drink and passed the nurses station on the way to the vending machine smiling absently at the two middle aged nurses doing paper work.

Rounding the corner he stopped and was sifting through the contents of his pockets for proper change when the conversation at the desk caught his attention. "Do you know who that was?" one asked in a lowered voice.

"No, who?" the other asked

"That was Landon Carter, Dr. Carter's boy." She paused and Landon heard the shuffle of papers. "He's married to the girl in 205, the one who's in the coma."

"Dr. Carter is?" asked the other in disbelief.

"No," the woman said with a laugh "although she's nearly young enough. Have you seen his wife? Barely over 30, left his first one for her. But the girl in 205, Jamie is Landon's wife."

"But he looked so young." The other voice argued. "He can't be 20 yet. They don't get married that young nowadays."

"Eighteen." She confirmed. "Not even out of high school yet. Apparently they were only married on Sunday. I think they were scared she wouldn't make it, poor little lamb. Now, who's to say? He hasn't left her side since she came out of surgery."

They were silent for a minute and Landon went back to counting his change, deciding not to pay attention. He and Jamie did make for pretty interesting gossip after all. He was just bending over to pick his soda up when the next comment turned his blood to ice.

The nurse with the kinder, softer voice who was on the receiving end of all this information said with a sad little sigh, "I wonder if she will ever wake up? Remember that poor woman, who was in a car accident, oh it must have been about 4 or 5 years ago? Anyway, her body seemed to heal just fine but she never did come out of that coma. They finally moved her over to the long term care ward and she's still there."

There was another pause as an announcement came over the loud speaker paging Connie to admittance. "Well," said the woman who seemed to know Landon's story as well as he did, "they're playing my song. I better get down there."

Landon ducked in between the vending machines as she passed by on her way to the elevator. He didn't know why but he didn't want her to see him and definitely did not want her to know he had heard her.

After he heard the elevator close behind her he walked quickly back down the hall towards Jamie's room, head down past the nurses desk avoiding the nurses kind but curious smile.

He kept walking straight past Jamie's room until he came to the very end of the hall and found himself staring out a window onto the parking lot several stories below. His heart was pounding like a jackhammer and his palms had gone clammy. He could not get himself to calm down.

He had thought death was the worst possible option when they had wheeled Jamie away the day before, he had never considered there could be something worse. He had thought she would live or she wouldn't, had never considered the possibility that she might linger somewhere in between. How could he stand it if she didn't wake up? If she just continued to lie there as a constant reminder of everything that he had lost, that they both had.

For the first time in weeks he broke down. He had tried so hard to be strong for Jamie, to be the one to hold it together and now with the future blurrier then ever he felt all the built up pressure and worry come spewing out.

Tears rolling down his cheeks, his arms tightly crossed in front of him he had no idea how long he stood staring blankly ahead of him into the bright June sunshine. Jamie was all he could see, so beautiful and full of life reduced now to this limbo.

He jumped slightly when he felt a hand touch his shoulder but he did not turn around. "Excuse me, are you alright?"

He recognized it as the soft voice of the nurse from earlier.

He nodded still staring ahead. He hoped she would just leave him alone, go back to her desk and her gossip. "You're Landon, aren't you? Landon Carter."

Again he nodded, biting his tongue to keep from screaming at her to go away. She didn't say anything just moved to stand beside him in front of the window.

They stood in silence for a couple of minutes before she finally commented, "it's a nice day. I don't suppose you have been outside yet, maybe you should take a walk over in the park across the way." She pointed across the street to a grassy park with playground equipment.

"No, thank you." He said abruptly hoping she might take the hint that he was really in no mood to talk go away.

"I was just in checking on Jamie," she told him "she's fine, I'm sure it would be okay for you to slip away for a couple of minutes, get some fresh air."

"Yeah, sure," he said irritably, turning on her, "because I mean, eventually I will have to leave. Jamie wont, she'll just get moved to the long term care ward like that lady who was in the car accident."

Landon heard her gasp and was pleased to see the colour rush up her neck into her face. "I guess you heard us, Connie and I." She said after a minute. "We shouldn't have been talking like that and I'm sorry you heard it."

"Sorry you got caught is more like it." He snorted shoving his hands into his pocket moving to walk around her back to Jamie's room. She reached out and caught him by the arm and tugged him gently until he was back facing her.

"No, I'm sorry that you heard that because it made you lose hope for a minute."

He looked up at her surprised. She was a middle-aged woman with faded blond hair and smile lines creasing her face. She was smiling at him with a sad expression on her face. That wasn't what he had expected to hear.

"But, she might not come out of the coma," he said calmly now. "You said that lady who was in the car accident has been in one for years."

She nodded, tipping her head to the side thoughtfully as she continued to study him. "That's true, I won't lie to you there. But she might also come out of it." She shrugged. "Don't give up hope, Landon."

He leaned back against the wall, letting his head fall back so he was looking up at the ceiling. "I thought if she made it through the surgery she'd be okay. I never thought about any of this, the machines and hospital rooms or comas. I don't know what I thought. I never went beyond the dying or living part, I guess I just assumed everything would work itself out one way or another."

He closed his eyes, feeling exhaustion washing over him for the first time. He didn't want to talk but he couldn't stop himself as the words came tumbling out to this complete stranger. "Even when we found out she had gone into the coma yesterday, I still thought she would come out of it. I thought I would walk in the room and she would hear my voice and would open her eyes." He let out a hollow sounding laugh. "Stupid, I know it doesn't work that way but that's not Jamie lying there, that's a shell."

"Jamie's still in there, just deep down. You need to keep talking to her, touching her, being there for her. She'll know on some level that you're there." She gave Landon's shoulder a squeeze.

He didn't say anything and so the nurse continued. "You and Jamie remind me a lot of my husband and I. We got married just out of high school too. Of course," she said with a laugh, "that was over thirty five years ago and we 'had to'. Or at least that what everyone else said. And yeah, we knew we had to but not because I was pregnant, which I was, but because we loved each other so much that we had to be together."

She smiled to herself when she saw a smile flutter across Landon's lips. "We were married 36 years when Earl, my husband died last year. We were painting our garage door and he just dropped dead." She snapped her fingers, "just like that.

"Everyone told me I should have been thankful that it was so quick, that he probably didn't know what was happening but I would have done anything to have been able to say good bye, even if he was only lying there not talking back. Actually that might have been better. I could have said what I wanted to without the old fool interrupting me for a change."

This time Landon did laugh lifting his head up to look at her. She smiled at him again "you take advantage of the silence and say what's really in your heart. I'm not saying Jamie wont wake up, but take the opportunity now while you have the chance."

He pushed off the wall and stood uncertainly in front of her, "I'm sorry for being so rude before, I just got a bit of a shock realizing what could happen, that she might not come out of it."

"That's alright. Just don't give up. When things get bad I always tell myself 'don't give up hope."

She laughed then and pointed at her nametag, which read Hope Riley. Landon laughed too. "I like to say I am a good reminder for what are considered the hard luck cases. Now go be with your wife, I have a good feeling about you two."


	14. Faith

After Landon had spoken with the nurse, Hope Riley in the hallway he went back to Jamie's room. Reverend Sullivan was sitting next to the bed reading out loud from a magazine.

He looked up when Landon entered. "Why don't you go home and get some rest?" Landon asked. "I'll call if anything changes."

Jamie's father set down the magazine and stood up stretching out his arms and back gingerly. "I'll do that," he agreed, "if you promise to do the same when I come back."

Landon hesitated only for a moment, looking down at Jamie before he nodded. "Good, I will be back later this afternoon then." Reverend Sullivan bent down to kiss his daughters cheek, whispering, "I'll be back soon, Jamie."

When Landon was alone with Jamie in the room he sat down in the chair that The Reverend had just vacated and took her hand in his own being careful not to disturb the I.V. drip.

For the first time since she had come back from surgery in a coma he did not feel self-conscious talking out loud. He tried very hard to believe that Jamie could hear him and so he began to pour his heart out to her. He started by telling her about the conversation he had over heard and then his confrontation with Hope. He tried to imagine her reactions to everything he said and tried to answer questions he thought she might ask.

He didn't know how long he talked for, he just kept going only stopping when a nurse or a doctor came into the room to examine Jamie or change her I.V. or one of the various tubes attached to her. He told her things he had never told anyone before, how he had ran away after his dad had left and how he wanted to go to medical school after college.

It was just after three o-clock when he looked up to find Hope Riley standing in the doorway. "My shift is ending now so I thought I would come by before I go and check how you are doing."

He motioned for her to come in. She sat down on the edge of the bed beside Jamie. She lifted her wrist to check her pulse then laid her hand back in Landon's. "She's a pretty girl." She murmured smoothing Jamie's hair back from her forehead.

Landon nodded thinking she was the most beautiful person on earth, even now so pale and lifeless with tubes and hoses snaking all around her. He handed Hope the framed picture his mother had brought over that morning of their wedding day.

"We got married on Sunday." He told her even though he knew she already knew. He found himself staring down at his bright gold wedding band and then reached up to feel Jamie's which he was wearing on a chain around his neck until she could wear it again.

"So in love," Hope mused smiling down at the picture. "You can tell just by looking at the two of you, not posed and formal at all, just in love."

She sat the picture back down on the bedside table and turned her attention back to Jamie, "Well, Mrs. Carter I think you should wake up soon because your husband is like a lost puppy dog without you."

"Is that how you feel?" Landon asked, "now that your husband is gone?"

She looked surprised that he would ask and she took a moment to answer taking off her glasses and rubbing her eyes first. "I did at first. Now I'm just lonely. I have my kids and grand kids but it's not the same at night when you have to get into an empty bed."

She sighed then and shrugged. "There's a reason for everything though and I know I'll see my Earl again someday. It's just we were going to retire in a few years, travel do all the things we always said we would..." she trailed off wistfully.

"You can still do all of those things." Landon argued realizing now what Jamie had said to him about not stopping living if she did. She didn't want him to just shrivel up and stop experiencing life just because she wasn't there to share it with him. "I'm sure your husband would want you to still do all those things."

"Oh, honey," she laughed. "I know that. It just takes some getting used to. After almost forty years with someone you need to learn how to be on your own without them."

They both looked up startled when someone at the door cleared their throat. It was Reverend Sullivan holding a potted plant and several balloons.

Landon jumped up to make introductions but it turned out he didn't need to. "Hegbert Sullivan, is that really you?" Hope cried in surprise sliding off the side of the bed."

Hegbert? Landon almost laughed. Of course he knew that Reverend Sullivan had a real name, he had just never heard anyone use it and so it sounded strange, even stranger then a name like Hegbert normally would.

He stepped further into the room setting down the plant and handing Landon the balloons, which he quickly tied to the foot of the bed not taking his eyes off the two people in front of him. The Reverend stared at Hope for a full minute as if trying to place her before his broke out in a huge grin.

"Well, I'll be! Hope Morrow, I haven't seen you in years!" He exclaimed bending down to receive Hope's enthusiastic hug. "I guess you're Hope Riley now," he said standing back and reading her nametag. "How is old Earl?"

Hope's smile faltered for a moment as she glanced over at Landon. "He passed away last year. Heart attack."

"Oh, Hope. I'm sorry." He reached over and took her hand. "He was a good man and I'm sure he's in a better place."

Her hands fluttered up and then fell to her side uselessly, "Oh, I'm sure he is."

It was then that they both seemed to remember that they were not alone. The Reverend moved over to Jamie and spoke softly to her. Standing back up he spoke to Hope, "I guess you have already met my son in law Landon and my daughter Jamie."

"We're old friends by now." She said with a laugh. "Not as old as you and I, mind." She turned to Landon then to explain. "Hegbert, Earl and I went all the way through school together. I guess we lost touch the way folks do. I would recognize him anywhere though."

Landon was surprised to see Reverend Sullivan blush before he changed the subject. "Now, you young man, are going to go home to rest."

Nodding Landon picked up his jacket then bent down to say good bye to Jamie. He was just straightening up when something caught his attention. His breath caught in his throat but he didn't say anything just in case he had imagined it.

It happened again, her eyelashes fluttered. "Jamie!" he whispered hoarsely scarcely believing it. "Jamie!"

Reverend Sullivan and Hope rushed to the side of the bed. "Watch her eyes!" Landon ordered not taking his off of her. They did not have to wait long to see for themselves.

"I'll page Dr. Patterson." Hope called as she rushed out of the room. "You two just stay there and keep talking to her."

"Jamie, can you hear me?" her father asked gently. Again her eye twitched.

He and Landon exchanged grins. Landon squeezed her hand; "We're here Jamie. It's time to wake up, baby!"

Her one eye fluttered open for a second before falling closed again. Encouraged both Landon and her father continued to speak becoming more and more excited. Hope came running back into the room, "both Dr. Patterson and Dr. Carter are on their way." She pushed her way in beside the bed and lifted Jamie's eyelids to check for dilation.

"I think she might be coming around." Hope told them, "but we had best wait to see what the Doctor thinks."

Dr. Carter was the first to reach the room. Both Landon and Reverend Sullivan began speaking at once. Landon's father smiled at them and then turned to Hope. "Why don't you fill me in, you seem to be the only one capable of finishing a sentence."

"Well, I was just in here talking to these two, checking on Jamie before I went off my shift and Landon was on his way home so he was saying good bye to Jamie when he noticed her eye lids twitching. Since then she has opened her eyes several times."

They stood in a little half circle by the door. Landon was the first to turn back to Jamie but was quickly followed by the other three when they heard him gasp. "Jamie!"

There lying with her head turned towards them was Jamie with her eyes wide open.


	15. Recovery

Jamie's recovery was a slow one. She was heavily sedated and slept most of the first week after her surgery. Even after her respirator tube was removed the day after she woke from the coma she did not have the energy to speak more then a word or two at a time.

Landon spent the majority of his time at the hospital. He sat next to Jamie's bed studying while she slept and talking or reading to her when she was awake.

Final exams were upon them and while Jamie had been exempted from them, her grade coming from her final classroom mark, Landon still needed to sit the exams. Now that the future looked a little brighter he was determined to do well. He would not be satisfied with just a pass as he had in the past. It wasn't just his life anymore after all; it was Jamie's as well.

There seemed to be an arrangement that Landon was not let in on concerning visitors. It could be anywhere between 10 o-clock in the morning to eleven at night someone would come in and order him out to go home and sleep or study and they would sit with Jamie. She was never left alone. Landon was not sure who was arranging it all but he was grateful.

It was 3 o-clock on the Monday following Jamie's surgery when Dean came sauntering into the room. He motioned with his thumb over his shoulder to the door, "out." He ordered.

Landon couldn't keep a straight face. "You have got to be kidding me?" he laughed.

"Why is everyone so surprised. Tracie and Belinda have had a turn and so has Eric, I'm a friend too, so why shouldn't I come in and do my part?" He looked serious so Landon proceeded cautiously.

"It's just a lot of sitting around is all," he motioned over to Jamie who was sleeping. "She sleeps a lot and when she's awake she can't talk much, it's painful and she doesn't have the energy. So you have to do all the talking or just read out loud."

Dean held up a couple of magazines he had rolled up in his hand. "I borrowed some of Trace's Cosmo. And I can talk. What are you scared of, man? That I am gonna turn into the bogey man, tell her all kinds of stories about you, make fun of her?"

They were both silent for a minute. Dean was the one to break it. "Look, I wasn't your friend when you needed me to be, let me be one now. I know that this has to be almost as hard for you as it is for Jamie." He shook his head sadly; "all I keep thinking is what if that were Tracie lying there? I've treated her like shit, she deserves better then that."

Landon laid his hand on his friends shoulder, "it's never too late. Think of how I treated Jamie and she forgave me. Tracie loves you, she'll do the same."

"Yeah, and only God knows why." Dean said with a laugh plopping down in the chair closest to Jamie's bed.

Landon began to gather up his schoolbooks from the makeshift desk he had made out of Jamie's bedside table. "What time do you want me to back at?"

"You have the night off, Reverend Sullivan is coming in after dinner. He said something about going out to dinner with a friend. He wanted you to study and get a decent nights sleep."

Landon smiled to himself knowing very well whom the friend Reverend Sullivan was going out with. He and Hope had been spending a lot of time together, going for coffee in the cafeteria on her breaks and she even came back sometimes in the evenings to sit with the Reverend and Jamie. It all appeared perfectly innocent, two old friends getting to know one another again after many years but Landon wondered if maybe it would progress to something more.

"All right, man, I'm off." He told Dean after he leaned down to kiss Jamie good bye. "Tell Jamie I will be back first thing tomorrow morning when she wakes up." He left the room chuckling as Dean began to read out loud from Cosmo, "The top ten ways to please your man in bed." Raising his eyebrows at Landon, "I think this is going to be an educational afternoon."

With everyday that passed Jamie was getting stronger. She was no longer so heavily sedated and she had a little more energy. She could sit up in bed and have a conversation that lasted more then a minute, which delighted Landon more then anything. During the week following her surgery he had not realized how much he missed her voice, the quirky little comments she made and most of all her laugh.

On the day that final exam marks were released Landon was the first person in line when they were posted on the school bulletin board. Quickly scanning them he ran to the parking lot and drove to the hospital in record time.

He could hardly contain his excitement as he burst into the room. He had done better then he could have ever imagined and he could not wait to tell Jamie.

He stopped in his tracks when he saw her empty bed. A million different scenarios flashed before his eyes in a matter of seconds and not one of them was good.

He turned quickly when he heard a rustling sound in the corner and there stood Jamie, in her faded pink housecoat supported by two orderlies. Landon face broke into a smile as he hurried towards her. Jamie though looked disappointed.

"I wanted to surprise you." She told him, "You're earlier then I expected."

"You're doing great." He said hugging her gently then taking her arm from one of the orderlies. "Plus I have good news of my own. Final marks are out."

"How did you do?" she asked a little breathlessly as they began to walk slowly back to the bed.

"We'll get you settled back in bed and then I'll tell you." He promised. "I am way too excited for you to get worn out now."

When she was helped back into bed and agreed to take another short walk that afternoon they were left alone. She squealed and clapped her hands when Landon told her his average. "I knew you could do it," she said her smile lighting up her whole face, "all you needed was to believe in yourself."

Taking her hand in his he kissed her palm before looking up at her, "I would never gotten there if you hadn't believed in me first."

Tears sprang to her eyes and she squeezed his hand. "I love you."

"I love you." He helped her settle back comfortably into bed. "Now we have a future to plan."


	16. Moving Forward

After everything Landon and Jamie had been through over the past few weeks graduation seemed fairly anti climatic. It didn't make it any less important, it just didn't symbolize what it had. A diploma no longer meant maturity and wisdom; they had found that for themselves.

Jamie was not strong enough to leave her hospital bed for the ceremony and Landon argued that he did not need to go either. Jamie insisted though and so his mother and Reverend Sullivan accompanied him there where they met his father and his family.

It was a beautiful, bright, sunny day but Landon's mind wandered through the speeches as he sat with the other graduates in cap and gown. If anything he considered this graduation closure, an end to a part of his life that he was not particularly proud of. He still wished Jamie could be there beside him.

He was staring down at his wedding band, twisting it around and around his finger with his thumb when someone poked his shoulder. He turned around to see Eric, who was sitting almost directly behind.

"Are you waiting for them to bring it to you?" He asked with a laugh.

"Wha...?" Landon stuttered before he heard his name being called, "Landon Rawlins Carter?" from the tone he could tell it was not the first time.

Hurrying to stand up, he heard several giggles and knew he was blushing. He rushed to the front of the stage where Principal Kelly was standing. He grasped hold of Landon's hand as he handed him his diploma.

"I have to say Mr. Carter, its not often I am wrong about someone. In your case I'm glad I was. I wish you luck with your future."

"Thank you sir," he murmured about to step away when an idea struck him. "Can I have a quick word with you after? It's important."

* * *

Jamie was seated in a wheelchair by the window when Landon came into her room just over an hour later. He stood in the doorway watching her for a moment. The colour was finally beginning to come back into her cheeks and while he would not go so far as to say she looked healthy there was a definite improvement.

She sat with her hands folded neatly in her lap and Landon could tell by the faraway expression on her face that she was day dreaming as she gazed out the window. Creeping up slowly behind her he rested his cheek against hers. "What are you thinking about?" He whispered.

She didn't even flinch in surprise just slowly turned her head away from the window, smiling at him as if he had been there all along, "you." Then as if coming out of a trance she blushed a little. "I guess I shouldn't have told you that. According to Cosmo it is best to leave you wanting for more rather then being direct with you."

She laughed then. "Dean keeps insisting on reading it to me, I think he's learning more then I am.

"Anyway, how did it go? Did you get your diploma? Did you get mine? Can I see them?"

Landon held up his hand to quiet her and then without a word went to the door way and stuck his head out, "okay, everyone come on in."

Jamie gaped as her room quickly filled with people. First came her father and Landon's parents, then Belinda, Eric, Dean, Tracie and Clay, then Dr. Patterson and Hope and several other of the medical staff which had been treating Jamie followed by several teachers and classmates from Stars and Planets and the Drama club ending with Principal Kelly.

When all was said and done there were over thirty people crowded into the room. Belinda produced a cap and gown and helped Jamie slip into it explaining, "it's all Landon's idea. You couldn't come to graduation so we brought it to you."

Taking hold of Landon's hand she mouthed 'thank you' before turning her attention to Principal Kelly who had made his way up to her. "I'm sorry to say that we have to be quick about this. Apparently we are breaking several health and safety codes by having so many people in such a confined area, we just wanted to make sure that one of the best students our school has ever seen was not left out."

With that said he produced Jamie's diploma and handed it to her taking hold of her free hand, "Congratulations, Jamie Sullivan Carter. I expect great things from you."

Tears streaming down her face she said thank you and then raising her voice, "Thank you to all of you for coming and for everything you have all done for me. I want you to know that I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart." Grinning then through her tears, "And that means something since I no longer have a huge hole in it!"

The room filled with laughter as people began to file out, everyone calling goodbye to Jamie, promising to visit later. Finally there was just a handful left. Reverend Sullivan and Hope decided to go down to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee and invited Dr. Carter and Crystal and Mrs. Carter.

Landon's mother hesitated for a moment and Landon knew she was trying to get past old hurts. Finally she nodded. Following the rest out of the room she looked over her shoulder at Landon who gave her an encouraging smile.

Left behind with Jamie and Landon were Belinda, Tracie, Eric, Dean and Clay. There was a moment of silence than everyone started to speak at the same time.

Looking around at each other laughing it was Tracie who was the first to speak. She held up her left hand, which was adorned by a new ring. "Dean asked me to marry him last night!"

She was glowing and Dean was grinning ear to ear. Landon leaned in to hug Tracie and then reached to shake Dean's hand but pulled him into a hug at the last minute. "Congratulations, buddy." He said pounding him on the back.

Pulling back Dean shrugged still smiling broadly before he threw his arm over Tracie's shoulder. "You and Jamie make it look easy so we figured we might as well give it a shot."

"And we won't be getting married right away." Tracie assured them. "I'm going to beauty-school in the fall and Dean's apprenticing to become a mechanic in his dad's shop so it won't be for at least a year or so." She looked up at Dean and smiled, the same kind of smile Landon recognized as what Jamie gave him when she was especially happy. He was glad that Dean finally came to his senses and realized what a great girl he had.

After everyone had admired Tracie's ring and offered his or her congratulations Belinda cleared her throat. "There's something we want to tell you guys." She made a wide sweeping motion that included Clay and herself.

Before she had a chance to continue Eric cut in. "If y'all are getting married I'm getting new friends."

Laughing Belinda shook her head while Clay's ears turned pink and he stared down at the floor smiling. "No, we are not getting married!" She punched Eric's arm jokingly. "Instead of heading straight off to college in the fall we decided to spend a year backpacking through Europe. I mean, if not now when will we get the chance?"

There was a shocked silence so Belinda continued unperturbed. "As soon as Clay's cast comes off in August we're heading off!"

Clay who had for the most part remained silent finally spoke. "It's something I have wanted to do since I was a kid and then when Belinda said she would love to do it too we just decided to go for it!"

"I think it's an amazing thing to do." Jamie told them from her chair, "think of everything you'll see and all the people you'll meet!"

"Yeah, send a postcard!" Eric said impatiently. "Am I the only one going away to college in the fall?" He rolled his eyes at Tracie's protest; "I mean a college with books, not magazines in the waiting rooms!"

Everyone laughed as Tracie marched over and stamped on his foot. Everyone except Jamie.

"What, Jamie?" Belinda asked having heard her say something, raising her voice over Eric's yowling as Tracie continued to whack him over a head with a rolled up newspaper.

"I said, Landon's going to college in the fall." She said.

The room went suddenly silent. "I thought you said you were waiting for January." Dean said.

Shifting uncomfortably on his perch on the windowsill. He avoided looking at Jamie. "Well, yeah, I am. I mean, I was going to wait. What does one semester mean in the long run?"

The silence continued before Eric glanced down at his watch. "Man, is that the time? I told my parents I would meet them for dinner. I gotta make tracks."

He practically fled the room and it's now heavy atmosphere calling over his shoulder, "I'll see you guys later!"

Everyone else quickly followed suite muttering their good byes not quite knowing what was going on but not wanting to be there anymore.

"Do you want help back into bed?" Landon asked after several minutes just to break the silence. He knew he should have told her earlier that he had already arranged to start college in January. He just didn't want to upset her.

"Am I the reason you aren't going to college in the fall?" Jamie asked quietly. She didn't give him a chance to answer. "Because if I am I think that is the stupidest thing you have ever done."

Stunned he could only stare at her. "I don't need you to stay home and play nurse to me, Landon. Before I had the operation I told you that if anything happened to me I wanted you to go on with your life. Well, something did happen to me. I had open-heart surgery. I can't just get up after that and go on with my life the way it was. But you can!"

"No, I know that Jamie," He started to protest trying to find a way to explain.

She cut him off again, "will you just let me speak!" she clutched the armrests on her wheel chair as she stared at him, her eyes flashing with anger. "You can't keep giving everything up for me Landon. I know you are trying to do what you think is right but I can't expect that from you. You have been wonderful to me, incredible but now you have to go and do something for yourself."

"I am doing something for myself!" he argued pushing away from the window ledge. "I'm being with you! Would you stop being such a martyr and let me!"

He stood in front of her staring down into her eyes. "I love you Jamie, I married you because I love you and now I don't to be away from you even for a second until you can go away with me!"

She looked down at her hands and then back up at him. "I don't want to fight, Landon. I'm just really tired and I think I need to go to bed, can you help me?"

He helped her into bed without another word. "I love you Jamie." He whispered kissing her forehead.

With sad eyes she looked up at him, "I love you, Landon."

Sinking down into a nearby chair he watched her drift off to sleep. His heart heavy and his mind fogged with confusion he stared ahead unseeingly. He had really thought the worst was behind them now. Closing his own eyes he began to pray for answers.

**A/N: I'm sorry it has taken me so long to update, I wrote this chapter last Saturday and then managed to lose the file somehow. So obviously I had a tantrum, said some bad words before I sat down and tried to recreate what I had just lost. It's taken me almost a week now to be fairly happy with this chapter. As always let me know what you think!**


	17. Compromise

The next morning on his way to the hospital Landon went over in his head everything he wanted to say to Jamie. He had calmed down, and in a way could even see her point. She didn't want him to lose out on anything because of her. He just needed her to understand that it was because of her he wasn't going to.

It was Jamie who had made him open his eyes for the first time and take a good look at himself and the life he was living. He didn't want to live like that anymore, only thinking about himself and how he felt. He wanted to live his life with Jamie, for Jamie. He wanted to make her proud, to give her the life that she deserved.

Arriving at the hospital he parked his car, waving at the parking attendant who was so familiar with Landon that he had ceased asking to see his visitors pass. He was nervous but determined as he rode the elevator up to Jamie's floor. He was going to convince her that missing a few months of college was not nearly as important as their being together while Jamie recovered. He didn't want to start this new phase of his life without her.

Arriving on the fifth floor He greeted Connie, the nurse sitting at the nursing station, cheerfully on his way to Jamie's room. She said hello back but Landon missed the confused expression on her face in his hurry to get to Jamie.

Entering the room Landon stopped short. It wasn't Jamie lying in the bed; it was a middle-aged man with a heart monitor attached to his bare chest. He stared at Landon looking mildly annoyed. "Sorry," Landon apologized backing out, "wrong room."

But it wasn't the wrong room, he checked the number on the door and it was 205. He told himself not to panic, that they must have moved Jamie to another room. After all, if something had happened they would have called him.

He tried to stay calm as he backtracked to the nursing station but his racing pulse proved that he was anything but. He was just opening his mouth to ask Connie where Jamie was when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

Turning quickly, half expecting to find Jamie standing behind him he was instead faced with Reverend Sullivan. "Hey," he said, "I guess they must have moved Jamie. Is she even on this floor?"

When Jamie's father didn't answer him right away he immediately knew something was wrong. "What?" He asked. "What is it?"

Taking hold of Landon's arm, Reverend Sullivan led him around the corner to the visitor's lounge, which was empty save for a television set on a 24-hour news channel. Closing the door behind them he handed Landon a folded piece of paper wordlessly before sitting down.

Taking the paper Landon stared down at it, running his fingers along the crease. His name was written on one side and he recognized Jamie's writing. Nervously he opened it still standing.

Dear, Landon

I know you are wondering where I am and why I am writing this to you. I asked Daddy not to say anything until after you have read this. I wanted to be the one to explain and I knew that if I did it in person I would not be strong enough to go through with it.

I am going away for awhile. I need time to think and I think you do as well. We are still so young, Landon and we have out entire lives ahead of us. I don't want either one of us to do something that we will regret later.

Please don't be mad with me. I am only trying to do what I think is right. Just go on with your life for the time being as you would have if I had never been in the picture. Maybe then after we have both grown up a little we can live our lives together without either one of us having to compromise.

This does not mean my feeling for you have changed. I love you with all my heart and I always will. All I am asking for is time.

Forever yours, Jamie

Landon stood staring at the letter for what felt like hours. His heart was thudding heavily in his chest and he felt waves of panic running through his whole body.

His hand dropped lifelessly to his side still clutching the letter as he turned to face Jamie's father. He didn't even recognize his own voice as he asked, "How much time?"

Standing up to come to Landon's side Reverend Sullivan placed his hand on his shoulder. "I don't know." He answered quietly. "I really don't know."

Not able to bear being touched Landon walked to the other side of the room and sat down, his head in his hands. "I don't understand. It was a stupid fight yesterday. I was coming in today to tell her I was willing to make a compromise. I was going to go to community college here this year while she got stronger and then next year we could both go away."

Reverend Sullivan did not say a word and so Landon continued, "Why can't she see that she is what is important to me, that she is what matters. I get it, that she thinks I am giving up too much for her, that I am letting my dreams go to be with her, but that's not it. I didn't have dreams until I was with Jamie. She is the one that made me want to be better then I am." He looked up with pleading eyes. "Can you tell me where she is? I need to see her, I need to tell her."

"She's gone to a place to rehabilitate, to get stronger." Reverend Sullivan came over to sit across from Landon. "She's asked to be left alone for awhile, Landon. She said she needs time to clear her head. Jamie asked me, just before I dropped her off this morning to tell you that she wants your dreams to be your own. She doesn't want to be the reason that you follow them or don't follow them. She wants for you to discover what you want on your own."

"How can she ask that?" Landon practically yelled jumping up angrily to pace the room. "I married her, I said my vows and I take them seriously. For better or for worse! I meant it! Her life is my life now. So when you see her, you tell her that I will go on, I'll go away this fall. But it's not just for me; it's for her too. And I'm not giving up on her. I'm not giving up on us. Tell her the moment she stops being to damned stubborn I'll be waiting."

Nodding Reverend Sullivan stood up too. "I'll tell her." He said quietly. He looked so sad Landon thought and he knew then, instinctively that he had argued with Jamie too, that he had been on Landon's side.

Softening his voice, "Take care, Reverend." He said before he walked out the door.

He felt totally helpless but if this was what Jamie wanted, or more appropriately, what Jamie thought was the right thing to do he would play along. He was just beginning to understand that doing what you thought was right and doing what was actually right were two entirely different things.


	18. Discovery

Landon kept his promise. He waited for Jamie. Maybe he wasn't always patient and forgiving, and at his worst he could not even muster up understanding. Those feelings were always overridden by something stronger though, the most important thing he had learned from Jamie, faith. He knew as long as he kept faith she would come back to him.

As summer turned to autumn and autumn eventually to winter Landon continued his vigil. There were days when it felt as if his time with Jamie had been a dream, just a figment of his imagination. At other times it felt all too real because to him Jamie was everywhere. Every time he closed his eyes it was her face he saw, the sun bouncing off his wedding band reminded of the promises he had made to her and most importantly the changes in himself, he accredited directly to Jamie. How could he ever forget or move on?

In September he had gone away to college just as Jamie had asked. It was only an hour away from Beaufort but his father insisted that if he was going to be serious about his studies he would need an apartment on campus. Driving back and forth everyday took up valuable studying time.

He had also changed from general studies to pre-med. He knew that at the time he was accepted his marks were not good enough for pre-med. and that was why he chose general studies but both Principal Kelly and his father had gone to bat for him pulling strings with the college's admission department to let him in. He had no intention of letting anyone down.

At first Landon had thought throwing himself into his studies would make him miss Jamie a little less, some how lessen the ache. Instead it made it more obvious. While all the other freshmen were off joining sororities and partying every night, reveling in their first taste of freedom Landon sat in his tiny apartment pining for his wife.

There were many times he picked up the phone to beg Reverend Sullivan or even his own father, who he knew, knew where Jamie was. But he couldn't make himself do it. He couldn't ask anyone else to betray Jamie's trust even if it were to him. She would come to him when she was ready. That much he understood.

When he came home for Christmas break he was not in the holiday spirit. He had never faced a more dismal Christmas in his life. His mother tried to keep his spirits up by decorating the house and making all of his favourite meals. After a few days though she admitted defeat and left him alone with his books in his room to mope.

It was late on the afternoon of Christmas Eve when there was a knock on his bed room door. He had been slouched over his laptop at his desk reading an email from Belinda and Clay who were spending Christmas in Madrid. Stretching he turned around to see his mother leaning against the door observing him.

"It's kind of early for dinner, isn't it?" He asked standing up.

"I'm going out tonight." She told placing some folded laundry on top of his dresser. "Belinda's mother called this afternoon and asked if I would like to go caroling with her and some other people from the church at the hospital. So," she paused giving him an appraising look. Landon looked down at his tee shirt and boxers he had not bothered to change out of when he got up this morning. "You're on your own tonight. I left a sandwich in the fridge."

He nodded and turned to go back to his computer. "There's one more thing. It's a small favour but I really don't have time to do it or I would have myself."

"Yeah, what is it?" he asked sitting back down preparing to write a falsely cheerful email back to Belinda and Clay.

"Well," she started hesitantly. "I have a fruit cake here for Reverend Sullivan. I mean, he is family and he's all alone for the holidays. I would have done it sooner but...well you know how crazy things get this time of year." She hurried on before Landon could object. "I think he'd like to see you anyway. He always asks after you after church on Sunday. He says Jamie is doing real well."

Landon was just opening his mouth to object when he looked up and his mother was already gone. He heard her call good bye from the door and a second later heard her car pull out of the driveway.

Turning off his computer he got up and headed for the bathroom. He had to shower if he was going out.

* * *

Half an hour later Landon was sitting in front of the Sullivan's front yard staring up at the house. Their front porch alone held so many memories for him, he could not imagine Jamie not being there, not tucked away somewhere just beyond those doors. 

Then a thought hit him, a tiny glimmer of hope. Maybe Jamie was there. Maybe she had been allowed to come home for Christmas. With this thought in mind he walked up the steps, hopeful and scared. Ringing the doorbell he shifted from foot to foot nervously.

Reverend Sullivan answered, throwing the door open wide. He had his jacket on and all the lights in the house were off. It looked as if Landon had just caught him on his way out.

"Landon!" he exclaimed, "it's good to see you, son."

Trying to hide his disappointment he held out the fruitcake. "This is for you, from my mom and I. Merry Christmas."

Shoving his hands deep in his pockets he stretched up onto his toes. "Anyway, it looks like you're going out so I won't keep you."

He was turning to walk away but he couldn't without saying something. "Reverend? When you see Jamie next tell her I said..." Said what? He asked himself desperately, that I love her? That I think of her every second of every day? "Just tell her I said Merry Christmas."

Nodding Reverend Sullivan looked at Landon for a second before speaking. "I'll do that. I was just on my way over to the hospital for the caroling but I just got a call that one of my older parishioners is doing poorly and the family would really like me to come to the home to see her. I won't be getting to the hospital as early as I had hoped now though"

Standing still Landon waited for the reason Jamie's father had just told him all of this. He didn't have to wait long.

"I was going to go a bit out of my way on the way to the hospital to drop this choir book off at friend's of mines house. I won't be able to now and I know she had really wanted it for tomorrow, it being Christmas and all." He paused and handed the worn old book to Landon, "I don't suppose you would mind doing it for me, would you?"

Not being able to say no Landon took the book wordlessly and waited for Reverend Sullivan to write down directions. Taking the slip of paper he was about to go back to his car when the Reverends voice stopped him.

"She misses you Landon. She just needed this time."

Blinking back tears Landon nodded, holding up the book in a silent salute he turned and walked back to his car. Starting the ignition he could still see Reverend Sullivan standing on the porch watching him.

The address was almost a twenty-minute drive out of Beaufort. It gave Landon time to think. She missed him. He had known that, deep down without being told but it helped, hearing it all the same. He remembered what his father had told him, the night that Jamie had left. Sometimes after people have been through an experience like Jamie had they needed time to themselves, time to figure things out, readjust to the second chance at life they had been given.

He had resigned himself to giving her the time that she needed but on nights like this he really wished she could be there with him. Even if it was only for one night.

Finding the street he was looking for he drove slowly along scanning the houses for number 15 beyond all the Christmas lights and decorations. Finally finding it he pulled into the drive behind a silver Volks wagon and turned off the ignition. Picking the book up off the seat he hoped it was not anyone he knew. He could not bear having to sit and talk when all he wanted was to go home to his room and think about Jamie.

Ringing the doorbell he couldn't help but smile as 'Jingle bells' chimed throughout the house. He heard a dog bark and what he thought might have been a bird squawk before he heard a voice he though sounded familiar call, "Could you get that? My hands are covered with cookie dough."

Considering just leaving the book on the door step Landon already had it held out ready to shove it into who ever opened the doors hands when the door came swinging open.

He stopped cold. He thought his heart might stop and he had to remember to breath. "Jamie?" He whispered hoarsely barely believing his eyes.

She stood there before him in a flowing nightgown even though it was only 7 o-clock at night. She didn't say a word just stared back at him. In the background he vaguely noted Hope closing the front door behind them, a huge smile on her face.

Before he even knew what he was doing he was pulling Jamie into his arms, holding her close to him, scared to let her go. It was relief and joy he felt when he felt her arms snake up to hold him.

Breathing in her familiar scent he felt tears running down his face and Jamie's running into his neck. He had never been so happy in his entire life.

He was about to pull back to take a good look at her when something caught his attention. He felt something move against him, reaching down cautiously, not sure if he believed it or not his hand rested on Jamie's stomach. Staring down at Jamie's extended belly he felt so many emotions flooding his system. Jamie was expecting  his baby.


End file.
